6 Times Fear Crippled Me

Mistakes are a fact of life. It is the response to the error that counts. -Nikki Giovanni

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I know it’s been a while…

Recently, I’ve been reflecting on how can I get out of my own way. So I started of thinking of times that I didn’t have someone in my life who knew what to look for or how to nudge me to do what I said I wanted to do.

I remembered 6 specific times where the fear was so obvious that it left an imprint on my mind & a sobering moment as I walk through a new breakthrough.

1. I remember when I was in Washington, DC on a safety patrol trip and I was scared to go up the escalator. I literally watched everyone else go up and I just stood there and watched. It hit me as a 10 year old, that if I didn’t move, then I would get left behind. So I hurriedly stepped one leg on and took too long to put the other on and did a split on the escalator in fear! Sometimes people will get to see and experience what you were supposed to experience, but you let fear make you miss going up first.

2. Seeing Beyonce do a tribute to drum lines and bands was bittersweet. I loved playing percussion. I remember seeing Sheila E. when I was little and wanting to play the drums like her. I played percussion through middle school & then made it to Suncoast’s High school Marching Band…. I think I was afraid of everything… but what made me give it all up, was my fear of heights. I was playing one night high up in the stands and a bass drum hit me in the back & that was it! All I could see was me falling down the bleachers…. My fear of falling crippled me & allowed me to stop doing what I loved because I didn’t love it enough to fight for it over my fear.

3. Throughout college I would always sit in the front of the classroom and make sure that several times I engaged with the professor throughout the week. I loved being a favorite student. However, at the end of EVERY semester, I always allowed fear to stop me from asking for a recommendation. I couldn’t understand it, why pay tuition at a private school, attend class, sit in the front row, make good grades & then stop engaging right towards the end so you feel uncomfortable asking for a recommendation? I let my “fear of success” stop me from getting what I deserved.

4. In 2013, I was accepted into a teaching program in China. I was so excited about the opportunity and the acceptance that I resigned, terminated my lease and relocated to Kansas ‘temporarily’ before my departure, that I didn’t make room for my own personal error. I counted my eggs before they hatched, put the needs of others before my own & allowed poor planning to cause everything to burst into flames. I was afraid to launch and listened to everyone else who said “you’re not going to live in China”, “you’re not taking your son abroad” …. I let everyone else’s doubt and fear take over my belief. My actions were consistent with my fear.

5. Shortly after, I was invited by a booking producer for the Steve Harvey Show to connect with the booking producer for The Dr. Oz Show!!! My network has always been unbelievable. I was so grateful, excited and humbled by the opportunity to be in a taped segment on mothers and nutrition. What did I do? The morning of the live taping, I couldn’t pull myself together and was scrambling late walking through Manhattan into the tv station. Both booking producers were so disappointed because I could tell they wanted me to be featured on stage. The truth is that at the time I was relieved I was late and wasn’t on stage because I wasn’t ready for my full body to be shown on screen again. I was afraid of being accepted as I am, criticized for what I’m not and I allowed that fear to rob me of an incredible opportunity to shine.

Fear will take you places humans can’t.

6. Over the past 14 months since my mother has passed, I have constantly worried if I have enough time to put in the work and achieve more of my life goals? On the night she passed, my grandfather flashed in my view, sitting in a chair looking at his watch. I was in the hospital at the time with a blood clot in my lung when my mother passed, 6 days after my birthday… The fear of my own time running out hit me so hard that I had to be sedated with anxiety medication.

I’ve been a personal assistant to a reality tv star that made it to the White House twice, I’ve traveled to China, the Philippines, Jamaica, Ontario, Mexico; I’ve lived in Europe with my two children for 6 months, won a state pageant title, modeled in a international fashion show, wrote & co-produced a short stage play, published 2 books, helped my son develop a mobile app and had my poetry curriculum debut in Nairobi, Kenya.

It’s humbling when I read through that list.

Yet, I can’t help but think about all I haven’t done and what opportunities I have allowed fear to chip away from my life.

This was a hard message to write, but I had to be honest… not just with myself, but with any other amazing person who is allowing fear to stop you from pursuing your dream, your greatness or your reality that’s waiting for you to create it.

So 3 weeks ago, after realizing that I can’t stay stuck in doubt or planted in fear, I decided to push through and fulfill my promise to myself.
I promised that I wouldn’t allow fear, not even a fear of failure to stop me from achieving my dreams. My desire is to help women achieve their dreams; to duplicate and multiply the things I’ve accomplished over and over again by opening bigger and better doors for other women.

I’m fulfilling my promise with my first installment of Woman on the Move live events in 2018. I’ve created an event of local powerhouses in South Florida, Woman on the Move: Spring Forward Mastermind Panel Discussion, to represent the essence of what it means to be walking in purpose. The event was a success and so many women are still sharing their experience online!

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If you’re in South Florida and need a group of ambitious women to push you a little harder to get to the next level, then look for our upcoming events here: www.jasiramonique.com/events

Don’t allow fear to make you miss out on anything else!